Do you find that some days you just feel so free?
Like you could spin,
dance and shout for joy?

Untouchable, certain, free….



But then suddenly something shifts…
Circumstances or mindsets change and you feel uncertain;
unsure, insecure,


I have been through all that this month…

After the excitement and joy of moving back to New Zealand and buying our new home,
about a month ago things shifted inside of me and I started to feel unsure.

Now please don’t misunderstand me – the joy was/is still there!
I am confident we were supposed to move back and it was definitely the right thing to do!
We are really happy and settled here.


I started feeling vulnerable;
A wife’s and mother’s worry…
Not untouchable. Not certain.
Instead I have been feeling like circumstances could change any minute and whisk this happiness all away.
Because I knew it wouldn’t take much.

And I hate to say it but last week my fears came to fruition:
Last Thursday Mr Flutter got issued 4 weeks notice at his job.
That means that come the 30th November he will officially be unemployed and we will have no income.

So this post has been almost penned for a week, but I couldn’t quite get it out.
I wasn’t quite ready to vocalise it all yet.

There is never a good time to lose your income,
But in a year when you’ve moved halfway across the world, bought a house and made serious headway into renovating said house (in other words had the most expensive year of your lives by a long shot) then it must be up there on the scale of worst times!

I am confident Mr F will get another job quickly. He is very skilled, loyal and highly respected.
What I lack confidence in is him getting a job in Wellington where we’ve moved and being able to come home every night… Because if we want him to move from working away in Australia then Auckland or Christchurch (both a long way away) are where the work is at for him.

Still, we will remain optimistic
and have faith this will work out.
It’s not the first time this has happened and I’m sure it won’t be the last either…
All part of the journey of being a contractor.

If nothing else this is such a poignant reminder to be thankful for what we have!!
We still have our health and each other.
As long as we have those two things we will be fine.


But one thing is for sure…

I really would like to know what comes next!


Blog ending

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  1. The one thing that you can always count on in life is that “change” is constant and ever changing… Remember that God has a plan for our lives and that everything happens for a reason. (Even if we don’t understand why)

  2. Oh Kat! Things always have a way of working out, and in the end you can look back and see that it was all meant to be. Crossing my fingers that an awesome job is found very close to home very soon!!!

  3. Oh Kat I’m really sorry to hear this. Such a worry and it’s horrible not being able to control an outcome. Will be thinking of you & hoping it will turn out well for you and your family x

  4. I’m so sorry! It’s so hard not knowing. That’s the worst part, and the root of the worry. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you guys.

  5. Come to Christchurch!!!
    No but seriously Kat, my heart goes out to you and I totally understand your resistance to moving. I really really really hope that something suitable comes up soon (and if he does have to work in Chch then there is a bed here for you if you ever need it- you know that right?!)

  6. oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. It must be such a hard time for both of you. I’ll keep you in my prayers and hope that you would know what comes next soon. Hugs.

  7. I’m so very sorry! We are in a VERY similar situation and it just sucks! I will keep my fingers crossed that your husband finds something close to your new home. 🙂

  8. The unknown is always the scariest thing, you can not deal with what you do not know. I am confident that it will all be “alright on the night” You are clever and resourceful and Mr F is well respected in his field. If you have to move or Mr F has to stop over Monday to Friday you will deal with it and move forwards. My fingers are grossed for a speedy and happy resolution. Pam x

  9. Oh, Kat I cant imagine! I know how uncertainty is so hard for us woman who like to have a plan! I’m sure I would be feeling the same way. but try to remember that “all things work together for good to those that love God!” We can trust that even though it seems impossible He knows the future & has a perfect plan for our lives. I’ll keep you & your sweet family in my prayers. {{{HUGS}}}

  10. I somehow missed this post until you linked back to it. *hugs* Everything will work out for you! Sending up a prayer for a good job to come your husband’s way. 🙂

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