Wow, it feels a bit awkward writing this after so long away… Almost like it’s wrong to assume that anyone is still out there, visiting me, after I’ve ignored this space for months at a time! Or walking into a room and having everyone stop talking and stare at you while you stand there nervously fidgeting. The one who’s missed all the news and updates. The outsider.
I’m not really sure why I stopped blogging. I just did.
It wasn’t a concious decision. It just was.
Well, technically that’s not quite true. I just stopped finishing posts and making them live. I have occasionally written something, had to set it aside unfinished for whatever reason, and have just not gone back to finish it. So I have quite a number of draft posts waiting to be finished!
Mostly, if I’m honest, I just stopped wanting to “put everything out there…”
I could spend ages unpacking that statement, but I won’t.
All you really need to know is that this year hasn’t been our best…
For the most part there has been a lot of periods of “survival mode” and extremely emotional family health issues that just have no place being shared on the internet. Because even though they have affected me a lot, they are not my stories to share. I just hold a supporting role. And because these “life events” have been all consuming, there hasn’t been a lot of other interesting stuff to to tell. There sure hasn’t been time for getting creative!!
1 month ago we celebrated our first anniversary of moving back to New Zealand. It snuck up on us suddenly, and went by without much notice, but in my own heart I acknowledged it and I reflected.
SO much has changed in the last year! We have crammed so much in that in many ways it feels entirely impossible that it’s only been a year, but at the same time the move feels so recent.
I continue to wait until the “honeymoon period” wears off and for any regret to come.
Unbelievably it hasn’t… I am now certain that it won’t.
Our move just continues to feel right, and for the first time in years my heart feels the peace of being “home”.
Moving here was the start of a new chapter for our family. A big change.
1 year on and we are about to turn a page and start another new chapter.
This one feels almost just as big, if not bigger…
In a few weeks Abbie, our youngest child, turns 4. She will start kindergarten full-time at the beginning of the next school turn, which means that my “stay at home baby rearing days” are officially over. (*sniff, sob, how did this happen so quickly?!).
I have been offered and have accepted a full-time job.
It has been hugely scary but exciting to accept.
So so many emotions all at once!
I have been extremely blessed to find a job less than 2 minutes drive from where the kids attend school/kindy. Not only that but it’s a job I think I will love and one still with a bit of a creative element to it. I cannot tell you how rare as hens teeth that is here. I had resigned myself to the fact that I would have to commute to the big city for work (an hour each way from me) which was so undesirable that I cannot even begin to tell you! Then I found this job and have been lucky enough to get it. I couldn’t be more thrilled! I start next Monday.
Over the weekend I had to go through my entire wardrobe and do a stock take. It has been 7 years since I have worked full time, so needless to say it needed some serious reorganisation and a bit of a rethink! As I tried on clothes to see what still fit after bearing 2 children (ha – very little), and wrote a list of things I’d need to purchase in preparation, I could not help but recall a poem I wrote a few years ago called “the other girl…” It was about staring at my wardrobe feeling like two completely different selfs.
To a certain extent I still do feel like that, but I will have to work out how to merge my colourful self with my black & white wardrobed corporate self because it’s happening next week ready or not!
I’m not sure how things will change with my blog after I start back at work. Perhaps I will get a fresh wind after this unintended sabbatical? Then again, perhaps with my already busy life turning up another notch there just won’t be time?
If I say I will then notoriously I won’t, and vice versa, so instead I’ll just say “we’ll see”.
That’s all I can offer.
I still really want to finish blogging my renovations. We are having some professional photos taken at home this weekend so perhaps that will help.
Until next time