The last month has been a month of “normal”…
* Re-establishing routines after a winter of flying by the seat of our pants. * Recouping energy. * A few minor sniffles here and there but finally the ability to stay away from the doctors office and watching the kids start to thrive again. * Time to ease back into my creative space.
But most of all time to question.
Ponder & sketch out the path forward.
For the first time in a while I’ve been in a position to commit to things again…
I stretched muscles that hadn’t been stretched in a while and I started to learn what feels comfortable to stretch and what hurts, causing injury.
What I discovered is that committing to things makes them into obligations.
As soon as they are obligations that sucks the fun out of it for me and I map my life out into one big.fat
to do list.
Don’t get me wrong, not all obligations are bad.
In fact I believe it’s often good to do some things that I don’t want to do.
It teaches me persistence, patience & self control. All vital fruits of the spirit.
But there are also seasons to push yourself, strive forward, grow and learn.
And I’m not in that season right now.
So I need to find a balance.
This month I almost committed to 2 November markets, 3 weeks apart.
Those markets would have added a lot of extra logistics and a LOT of extra stress.
But I knew I could do it (after all I am super Mum 😉 ) and then I’d be able to clear stock I already had.
It seemed to make great sense.
I’d committed in my mind but found myself putting off making that final commitment, dragging my feet and was pressuring myself about it.
So I stopped, asked myself why I was doing them and realised that I was doing them out of a feeling of obligation, not true desire.
It made good financial sense, but not good sense from a personal level.
What I learned was bigger than just those markets –
I no longer want to pursue my business in the *right now*.
I half knew that already, but yet I was still pressuring myself about it in the back of my mind.
It felt too much like giving up to say it out loud.
But I need to say it…
The future may be there for my business yet, but in the right now it’s too much to take on with everything else going on.
Oh the relief!!
I felt so good once I accepted that and took that pressure off myself.
Before everything hit the fan with Abbie this winter I had loads of ideas and enthusiasm for new pattern releases, business ideas etc etc. I’d also promised you I’d run some posts on photography tips etc etc.
So since everything has settled with the kids and I have time to do those again I’ve been feeling obligated to get it all done and continue where I left off.
Then instead of my crafting being fun and a source of energy I feel like it’s been full of pressure to do those things and therefore been draining energy.
So I’ve had to realise that I’m not the same as I was 4 months ago when I had those goals.
Those aren’t my goals any more and my priorities are different now.
My family needs me more.
No one has been putting the pressure there to do those things except for me.
And I don’t actually *need* to do all that stuff.
Therefore I can release myself from those obligations and not beat myself up about it.
I’m ready to make some of the hard decisions – like closing down my Facebook account (I hate Facebook) if I want to, not keeping it “just because I need it for my business”…
I need to accept that I’m a Mum of two small children and my husband works away. Both of these factors mean that my “job” is to be there to support my family for this season, as well as take time out for me to recharge and I need to prioritise these things over making any income.
So that’s where I’m at.
I’m officially taking the pressure off myself to run a business.
Another area I’ve been feeling the pressure is with my blog.
I’m not even completely sure why.
Not following through with stuff I promised before Abbie got sick and the pressure to have new stuff to show when I wasn’t feeling very creative I think.
I guess I also feared that this might become too personal for some readers without that stuff, because it did after all start as as a crafty blog.
But I guess blogging, like anything, is a journey and therefore will go through phases of growth and change over time.
The changes aren’t necessarily good, or bad. Just inevitable.
The changes won’t suit everybody
though the most important thing is that they suit me.
I’ve learnt over time that I don’t blog for my readers.
The greatest reward of my blog for me by far is having that diary of my journey.
A space to air my life.
And I don’t want that to change.
So given where I’m at I have a rough path mapped out for what I want the future of my blog to be like now.
But even though I have my plan, I’m still curious…
What is it about my blog that keeps you reading it?
Do you like the fact I keep it personal & write about my family etc as well as my craft?
Do you skip over the personal and just read the crafty?
Do you just like it for the tutorials?
What is it that you do or don’t particularly like about it?
If you’ve never commented on my blog before then maybe you could make an exception this time? I’d love to know who you are, why you read and what keeps you coming back?
I don’t mind you saying that you don’t like something, but please I just ask that you please don’t be mean about it.
And that is me.
Here’s what it comes down to:
I am moving on from having 1 foot in and 1 foot out.
It’s 2 feet in and doing this all through love not obligation from here on out…