A few days ago I alluded to the fact that we (Mr Flutter & I) have a lot going on right now. So I thought it was time for me to “diary” a little of it…
– of what exactly has been stressing us out and keeping us in suspense.
(I also don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression about how we are as a couple 😉 )
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Back in May I posted a diary entry with the details of our “fly in fly out” lifestyle. Because I regularly talk about or allude to the fact that Neil works away all the time, but only in snippets. So it was time to finally share the whole story – not just the fact Neil works away but why he does so…
(In brief we moved over here for the money, so we could afford to live on one income while I stay home with the kids & he is currently working away doing a 4 year electrical apprenticeship. So we’ve been staying in and ‘surviving’ the working away lifestyle for that – to get his trade certificate!).
I went on to share how I was with it all – I was a bit of a mess at the time really,
I think you’ll agree!
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But I am so relieved to say that I’m not that same mess today!!!
Shortly after writing that post, as part of my ‘survival plan’ as you will, I finally gave in to my resistance and I went on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds.
They helped. Big time!
So much so that I thought I was ready to come off them before I actually was.
Bad idea!
As it stands today (although things can change – don’t get me started on that fact!) Neil is scheduled to finish his apprenticeship in February.
After Christmas he has 3 more weeks working away and then he comes home to sit his exams.
Then we get to choose whether he continues to work away or not.
That means that the end is in sight folks – it is so close that we can actually reach out and touch it!
Yeah!
We couldn’t be more excited!
So with this in mind, and the fact that I have been doing really well in myself recently, the Monday before Christmas I came off the meds again. And this time I’m pretty sure it will be for real.
So far so good anyway.
Many would lecture me that it was completely bonkers to go off my meds just before Christmas. And they would probably be right. But for me it was the perfect time…
** I am on holiday, ** I have no pressures, ** Mr Flutter is home,
** It is summer. – According to my doctor that in itself makes a big difference.
** And I have so much to look forward to in the coming year to hopefully keep me on track if I falter.
So I did. I came off them. And apart from the physical withdrawals for the first few days, (making me feel giddy, nauseous, tired and yuck), it hasn’t been too bad. Dragon Mumma has had her moments in the limelight, but luckily they’ve been fleeting… And pretty manageable.
Insecure Mumma has also had her moments. But lets face it, that’s life. And besides, she never really was far away while on the meds anyway…
So what is the point of telling you all this?!
The point is that this *almost finish* comes with it’s own questions and quandries.
NOW we get to decide what to do next…
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Does he stay with his current company, who look after him very well, and recognise his potential, but will require him to stay working away??
Does he move to another company on a short & family friendly fly-in-fly-out roster??
Does he try and find a job locally??
Or the big one – now we will soon have no ties to Perth, do we actually want to stay here and get settled in for the long haul, or is it time to move back closer to one of our family’s?!
Not much to think about at all really, is there?
Much!
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But here’s the kicker – we can’t actually do anything yet.
– we aren’t in a position to make any decisions yet, we can still only wonder!
February may be so close that we can almost reach out and touch it, but there is still January standing in the way!
So all we can do for the moment is send these scenarios
around and around and around and around and around
in our poor tired brains and exhaust every idea humanly possible.
(Exhausting it really can be!)
And pray.
So there you have it, that is our journey.
So close, yet still so far.
But the main factors are at least now there;
I am good mentally, he is good mentally and we couldn’t be better together.
The rest will come.
We just have to be patient.
Never.ever. my strong suit!!
Wish us luck…
February is close. So very close!
I believe prayer will help you through to February, one prayer, one day at a time! Stay strong!
Rely on God’s strength, pray and totally trust in Him to lead both of you in the direction he has planned for you.
I know what you mean about being patient – I’m never patient either and sometimes wonder if that is what God is teaching me right now.
Kat, you are stronger than most people I know. Neil and you will come to the right decision that works for all four of you. And as long as you have a fabric budget too it’s all good!! 😉
Kat, you are a creative, giving, supportive, loving mama and wife and through that you’ve established a wonderful family unit. That’s all that matters. The work, geographical set up, etc. will work out just fine. It always does no matter how much you worry. You have a strong core with 4 incredible people, so you will make it through. We’re all here to help if you need something. Just speak up xx
Oh how I feel for you! That sort of “what is” situation can be so hard to deal with. BUT… You’re almost there (WAA HOO!) and I know that you’ll make it through this last wee while no problem.
P.S. Don’t need to cross my fingers about you staying off the meds, coz I know you can do it 🙂
I am thinking taking each moment as it comes…don’t spend too much time thinking of far off days when there is so much to enjoy today…it will all be how it is supposed to be xx
‘What ifs’ are so tricky – but the fact you are coping right now means you will be able to tackle anything together. Good luck to you all, and for Neil in his exams.
February 2012 will soon come round and things will fall into place xxx
You’ve clearly achieved a lot this past year K! Well done on some major milestones there. Just take one step at a time from here, all will become clear. Jxo
I read with interest your post and wish you well with the choices ahead. For the last 20 years my DH has spent long periods OS working. It is tough…exhausting really…I hope your decisions go well & you are soon all together…he is fortunate to have a woman of your strength!
Thinking about the decision before making it is the hardest part.. I hate the what ifs! But it sounds like you’ve got a really strong family situation and hopefully it will fall into place in February. Glad you are doing ok, coming off the meds is the hardest part but once you get used to it you will not look back 🙂
I’m sure by the time you get to it, the right choice for you all will become much clearer. Glad you’re doing so well now, and hope you continue to do so :o)
If you cant make the decision now try and put it out of your mind for a while if you can – over thinking it wont help! Good luck!!
I have every faith that 2012 is going to be YOUR year Kat!
Oh I hate the waiting game! It is so hard when the end is in sight but right answer will come to you, I think you have a healthy attitude towards it and like you said you are both good together so together you will get thru this. I too decided to stop my meds before xmas but hubby convinced me that school holidays when he works full time is probably not the best time to try so I am on a really low dose until the kids go back to school and then I will stop. My crafting and blogging have helped me enormously especially as I live in a remote area and all my friends are long distance. The computer has helped me feel connected and get back into a good head space.
Ill be thinking of you and sending my love, stay strong and all the best for a fabulous 2012 xx Jen
I won’t wish you luck but I will pray for you. Just stop all that swirling in your head and think about TODAY! If you do that daily February will be here before you know it and God will have confirmed His plan for you. That is what you really want…right?
Oh Kat, that is fantastic news for Mr. Flutter and his little flutters! I am sending him happy thoughts for an easy time on his exam.
And your successes have been no small feat for sure. You have accomplished so much this year!
I am so glad we are blog friends…because no matter if you move or not, we can still keep in touch:)
I will say a special prayer for you and your family that the answer comes quickly and easily for you. Good luck to all of you!!!
Let the situation stew for a bit. All wil become clear if you let it. You have lived with this for so long, there can be no harm in coping with it for a little longer, while you both work out what is right for your family. Look into your hearts, and see what you want, you may not get it especially if you each want slightly different, but work out your ‘want’s and then sleep on them.
and February is only round the corner, and you will be able to think more clearly!
Well done Flutters
Sounds like 2012 will be the year for you! Prayer and thoughtful contemplation will lead you in the right direction. Have faith! You will be where you are supposed to be in no time!
All I can say is NOOO DONT GOOOOO 🙁 Who will I share my scraps with? Who can I talk about beautiful designer fabrics with? Who can I stay up with till the wee hour sewing and chatting?
Seriously though, you need to do what God is telling you to do, so spend time in meditation and prayer. I will be praying for you to my friend xxx
I hope that Neil sails through the exams with no difficulty and that you give yourselves time to let the decision come to you. And remember, there is no reason why your decision cannot be changed or adapted as you go, it does not have to be forever. Be kind to yourselves as you move forward.
Good luck with whatever next year brings you.
Making big decisions is never easy, but at least you and Neil have eachother through it all.
When you say move… you have stated before you can’t see moving back to NZ, and aren’t Neil’s family members in England? Would you really move so far?
No matter what happens, your on-line friends are only a keyboard away, no matter where in the world you are 🙂
God bless those little pills. I have been on them for two years this time and due to come off soon. my doctor would never let my off them before Christmas as it is my extended family that makes me crazy. I always feel so sad for families that are split up by work commitments. The light is at the end of the tunnel hopeful soon you will be one big happy family all together again.
Love Tanya
Good luck with your difficult decisions and know that moms have an important and difficult job. I had post partum depression after my second ( but didn’t know it) but after that first year things got so much better. make a list of pros and cons-it helps!
What an honest post Kat. February will be here sooner than you realise and then the world is your oyster and the future will be yours to do whatever you want to do with it. It will have been worth the sacrifices you have all made
Hi Kat, Life is a journey and the only thing constant is family, faith and how we adapt to change…It isn’t always a smooth ride, but something good always comes out of each challenge that we face in life…I am sure that whatever decisions you both make together as a couple that things will turn out the way life is meant to be!